First Water Bra
I lived in Houston for the first four years of my life, and my first memories were of a friend who lived two doors down from me. We would fill up water balloons and stuff them down our bathing suits, like they were our boobs.
First Facebook Stalker
I got this creepy message from a guy who said, “You were so great in this movie, and we met at the wrap party.” I was like, I got cut from that movie, and I didn’t go to the wrap party, weirdo.
She was this girl who used to flip me off in junior high school! I remember she would mouth “Fuck you” to me in the hallways. I was just confused the whole time. Now I’m a lot feistier. I’d punch her in the face and knee her in the crotch.
It was probably my broken ankle. My future brother-in-law and I were jumping on the tramp—that’s what we call a trampoline—and he jumped on my ankle. The tramp was pretty sweet, though. Those were good times. I miss the tramp...
First Visit to Night Court
It was actually just last week! If you need some amusement, go to night court. There was a woman ahead of me bargaining with the judge on jail time instead of paying her traffic ticket. She was dead serious. I have to go back in a month for my speeding ticket. I’m looking forward to it!